“Call me Ishmael”
Today, I marked the third anniversary of my grandfather’s leg amputation in November 2015. After his operation, Grandpa would go to a rehabilitation center for two months and then finally home. At home, he was able to regain his health, build up his body strength, use his clear mind to read and make silly jokes that we all loved. Even with a slight tan from sitting in the California sunshine, it was not enough to keep Grandpa alive. He would die unexpectedly just five months after surgery.
Grandpa did not have diabetes, nor was he ill. In fact, he was remarkably healthy. Sadly, he had an infection on his foot that soon spread to his leg. Witty and as loving as can be, here was a stoic man at 95 years of age agreeing to have his right leg amputated above the knee. It pained us all to watch this sweet, gentle man suffer.
Grandpa had to endure three painful and exhausting surgeries before the third one took his leg. He could have easily “opted out” of life, and yet he didn’t. After awakening from each surgery, Grandpa was able to describe to me the experience he had. The third surgery (the amputation and which was most distressing) was the hardest for him to wake up from. He told me that it was “too difficult to find the off-ramp,” but the fear, he explained, of not being able to return and find his way back was what frightened him more.
There are so many wonderful things to be said about my grandfather, and I could fill a book with pithy insights and observations of what I learned from him. But the moment that stands out most vividly as I write this was when I sat by Grandpa’s bedside while recuperating from his amputation in a dreary and depressing rehabilitation center. He turned to me and said, “Call me Ishmael.” What? It took me a second to grasp what he was saying. As Grandpa proceeded to describe the type of peg leg he would want now that his surgery was complete, he described a peg leg made out of whalebone ivory. As anyone who has read Herman Melville’s book “Moby Dick” would understand, this was a reference to Captain Ahab. Grandpa had me in stitches as he continued describing what his new leg would look like. Those who knew Captain Rob knew he was a proud former United States Merchant Marine in WWII and a Sea Captain all his life. The peg leg comment was his way of trying to make light of a very sad, depressing situation, knowing he would never set sail again.
Being present in a family member’s life and observing that thin line between life and death is awkward and uncomfortable. Grandpa and I realized this, and we loved until we were exhausted and emptied, and then we loved some more. We both cried and mourned as he writhed in pain until the pain broke and then we loved some more. We both could feel our hearts expand with such ache and yet it was that ache that forced us to reach a new depth of understanding between us. And through it all, we held onto a quiet, steadfast love that emanated between us.
To have been allowed to bear witness to this heartbreak and the beauty of being up close and personal as a family member suffers is when one is reminded of how precious life is. These are the moments that take your breath away, and you feel an overwhelming sense of the Divine in each inhalation.
Grandpa, may you continue to Rest in Peace, and know that you are always in my heart.
“May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks.” (J.R.R. Tolkien)
Godspeed, Captain Rob, Godspeed! ❤️⚓⛵
© 2018 November 22 – Melissa A. Rendsburg – (word count 660)
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Bullocks Wilshire – Now Southwestern Law School is an Art Deco masterpiece built in 1929
Saturday, October 3, 2020
Bullocks Wilshire Art Deco 1929 Masterpiece
Three generations of women worked within the walls of what was once the Bullocks Wilshire department store.
My maternal Grandmother, Maxine, worked in this iconic building sewing silk stockings during WWII, while my Mother, Juliet, in the mid-1960s strutted her stuff as a young runway model. Some thirty plus years later, in 2000, I, too, found myself working in this Art Deco masterpiece after it had transitioned to the Southwestern Law School.
This glorious building is part of Los Angeles’ rich cultural history. It’s no wonder that Huell Howser, the charismatic host of “California Gold” and “Visiting…with Huell Howser,” filmed two segments at the famed location.
The first segment was shot in 1993 at the store’s closing, while the second was recorded in 2000 after the building became a law school. Each day when I walked under the porte cochère on my way into work, I would look up in awe to admire the building’s exquisite architecture, its lines, colors, and stunning beauty.
Though my Grandmother had passed away years earlier, and therefore was not able to join us in retelling the story, Huell was still keen to interview my Mother and me about our experience with Bullocks Wilshire.
The interview starts with my playfully telling Huell that my Mother was very excited to come and meet him on this day. We all laugh, and Huell turns to the camera with a big smile, as Mom blushes. Huell turns back to my Mother and asks: “And your claim to fame here?”
Mom/Juliet: “It began when I was five years old in 1949 when my mother would bring me to the Tea Room with my little white gloves on and my patent leather Mary Janes. But later on in life, I became a model for Bullocks and Bullocks Wilshire borrowed me once for a show – a bridal show, so I modeled here in this room, when I was about 23.”
Huell: “So you would what? You would just wander around the tables and kind of twirl around?” [All of us laughing]
Mom/Juliet: “There was actually a ramp in the form of a “T,” and we walked out of those doors on a ramp, and we modeled bridal gowns.”
Huell: “And how does it feel to be back?”
Mom/Juliet: “It’s wonderful! It really is. It is very different, but it’s great. What is so exciting is that my daughter is managing this Tea Room. Now, I brought her here when she was five years old.”
Huell: “Really?”
Melissa: “I did the same thing. I had braids, I had to wear the white gloves, and my Mom taught me the etiquette and protocol of becoming a woman – becoming a lady.”
[After all, it was what young ladies did when they luncheoned at the Bullocks Wilshire Tea Room.]
Huell: “The students today… this is cafeteria style eating.”
Melissa: “Yes, actually a higher level, higher quality of cafeteria food.”
Huell: “What I mean is, they are not wearing white gloves.”
Melissa: [Laughing] “No, of course not. They come with their books, they open their books and they eat and study at the same time.”
Huell: “It’s just another chapter in the Tea Room’s history.”
Mom/Juliet: “It is very exciting to come back. It’s been a long time. It’s very different. It’s Art Deco opposed to the very frilly pink roses and green vines, but it is special, and I’m happy to be here — especially with my daughter.”
As always, Huell was a delightful interviewer, and he seemed to enjoy hearing about other people’s life stories — his genuine enthusiasm is what made him special to his viewers. You’ll find the KCET link to the program here: The Grandeur of Bullock Wilshire Tea Room:
Out of the thousands of buildings and locations where one could work in Los Angeles, I am still unsure why three generations of women were called to be part of the Bullocks Wilshire legacy. I assume the purpose is simple enough: Bullocks Wilshire will always be a keepsake memory that binds my Grandmother, Mother, and me together. It is one of my most cherished thoughts.
— Melissa
Visiting…With Huell Howser #111 – BULLOCKS WILSHIRE 1993 closing/2000 re-opening
Bullock’s Tea Room | Visiting with Huell Howser | KCET
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRdpBh0B7yc
Huell Howser chronicled the history, culture, and people of California and its environs. His talent is sorely missed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Huell_Howser
Video of Huell, Juliet & Melissa starts at the 42:52 mark.
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A Public Health Concern: Died by Suicide
Updated Suicide Facts: Center for Disease Control – Suicide Prevention
(1) Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 25-34 years.
(2) In 2021, an estimated 1.7 million Americans attempted suicide.
(3) And over 48,000 people died from suicide.
July 17, 2020
Melissa A. Rendsburg
There is no doubt that suicide is an uncomfortable topic to discuss even under normal times. But with the uncertainty and apprehension brought on by the Coronavirus pandemic and the change to life as we know it, mental health issues are bubbling to the surface as people face challenges related to depression, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.
The data suggest that as there is an increase in fear and anxiety more people are taking their own lives. It is imperative that the public openly discuss mental health issues and be taught to recognize the signs of suicidal depression.
This past week I learned that a friend of mine from my late teenage years lost her son to suicide. When I heard the news, my heart sank, quivering with sadness. This lovable girl, to whom I was once close, just experienced the deepest ache imaginable to a human. Though time and distance have kept us apart, I could sense her inconsolable sobbing at the loss of her child. How could this woman, this fierce, protective mother ever be whole again when someone so precious to her has gone? Words fall short of expressing my sorrow, and I can only offer my heartfelt condolences.
As I reflected on this family’s tragic loss, I was reminded that there had been a number of people in my circle over the years who have died by suicide or who have attempted suicide.
They are not well-known celebrities such as Robin Williams, Kate Spade, or Anthony Bourdain, each who died by suicide. No, they were ordinary people wrestling with their very private emotional pain. They were young and old, gay and straight, black and white, and were all loved and adored by the members of their family. For reasons most of us cannot understand, there was a strong impulse for them to leave everything behind, unable to face another day.
Hearing the news of my friend’s child struck a chord. After conducting some research on this sensitive subject, I discovered that suicide is a major public health concern that we know too little about, and that we shy away from speaking candidly about it due to our uneasiness and lack of understanding.
As suicide rates increase throughout the U.S., and across the globe, real conversations surrounding mental healthcare must take place openly. This will help those suffering from unbearable pain find the help they need, and we, as friends and family, can be available to offer sympathy and provide support. Each life has value, and it is vital we learn to listen to those who are struggling.
Experts in the field of suicidal behavior believe that suicide can be prevented.
Please, if you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night.
Learn more:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
https://www.cdc.gov/ruralhealth/Suicide.html
World Health Organization (WHO)
https://apps.who.int/gho/data/node.sdg.3-4-viz-2?lang=en
Need help? Know someone who does?
Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.
- Call or text 988
- Chat at 988lifeline.org
Connect with a trained crisis counselor. 988 is confidential, free, and available 24/7/365.
Visit the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for more information at 988lifeline.org.
© 2020 November – Melissa A. Rendsburg – (word count 518)
©2024, Melissa A. Rendsburg, M.A.
England's Mountains Green 